TriAddict – Ego my best friend and my worst enemy.


I am stunned.

Semi-frustrated I posted my issues in motivation 3 hours ago. Yet I went up, got my stuff and started again to finish what I started: running for today. Simply since I am not willing to give up that easily.

  1. I had my iPhone with me with spinning music (a trick – I admit).
  2. I warmed up.
  3. I started running.
  4. I powered on (in quite a decent speed I believe).
  5. I stopped once more after 2 km this time. I could not go on.

So I turned around and had my walk home… I switched from flight mode to normal mode on my iPhone and… my iPhone went crazy… Message by Vivian, Scott and Adena (I had already read Christi’s message). All that while walking home, frustrated I had to stop once more. Pitch black night… reading comments on my blog…

Thanks to you all and some more advice. By now I know what I will do:

  • First thing is first: I will see a sports doctor for the searing pain in my thigh(s). Every time I am running I now have a hard muscle in my thigh and an insane pain due to it afterwards.  The simple remark by someone: “I would hate running if I felt the pain rising, while knowing it will be unbearable once home.” Good call – we gotta get rid of that.
  • “Sane training” – I overdid the training. I did not mean to, yet I did the past few weeks. I am going for a true sports performance analysis soon
  • “Cold” – I am quite sure I am ill. No symptoms  but overall feeling weak. I am quite sure my body fights a cold by now.
  • “Slacking” – I slacked with my diet. Due to that I feel overall… bad. So I know I did not perform to the best of my possibilities and therefore afraid to put it to a test.
  • “Burnout” – I am unsure in that department. Either because I am unwilling to admit or because it simply does not apply. Yet I am unable to figure it out alone. Gotta get me some support on that one.
  • “Running shoes” – I have 3 pairs of shoes now, but now I do realize I need new ones. Maybe I waited too long. Bought 2 new pairs already – due to arrive tomorrow.
  • “Ego” – wanting it too much. Admitting that one does hurt.

Looking into each issues, I always find my ego somewhere down there:

  • Running despite the pain in my thigh. Most sane people would have seen a doctor 4 months ago. I have this pain for 5 months already. Why didn’t I see a doctor? I considered it part of the deal having that pain. Running into pain is a lot about ego.
  • Sane training – I pushed myself to the limit each time in one regard or the other. Just because I want to get forward. That’s ego.
  • Slacking – no secret I enjoyed aspects of my past lifestyle. Slacking meant to my ego: you can because you are good (no not really but you get the idea).
  • Burnout – physically apparently not since my pulse and anything else is reacting normal again. Mentally this might be true, but I still consider it unlikely this season. I just fail to enjoy the results. My results in running, swimming,… the hype from a month ago is gone and I do blame the pain in my thigh(s) for the most part. Basically I call myself being unable to live to my own expectations. Damn that’s ego too. (Funnily I could maybe achieve my goals and get even further if only I calmed down. But this is not my personality and I would probably lack in another department).
  • I did not buy new running shoes. Simply because I am so bad in running. As a matter of fact to my ego it goes like this: I did not run enough (hence my being bad in running). So I do not need new running shoes…  Seriously that is ego.. *ouch*

So after all one could say: drop ego and do your stuff. Actually some people who know me, tell me to do exactly that. Unfortunately ego is what  made me start it all. Ego is what keeps me going. And my fascination of my own progress, of living my dream, the changes to my body,… is what makes me wonder, which makes me want to go on and take a peek around the next corner – curious about the changes to come. Ego asks me one question each day: How far can you get?

And my answer always is the same: Very far.

All  I have to do is to define the word: very. To define that word for myself.

As a result of today I will follow my plan on my next steps as outlined above, also I just sent my Email to order that sports performance analysis (I am afraid what that test might tell).

 

So the journey goes on. For now.

 

Yours

fatsmoker2ironman

Posted on October 24, 2011, in Problems. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. I am sorry that your run did not go as planned. I know that really sucks. I have been there myself many more times than I would like to admit. I have problems with motivation all the time and not just my motivation to work out. I also have problems maintaining the motivation to eat cleanly. I believe we all fight this but that doesn’t make it any easier. I wish I could tell you exactly what to do and it would work but, unfortunately, I cannot. All I can do is offer up my support. I am here for ya Martin. Feel free to email or Facebook me at any time. I want you to succeed as much as you want to succeed, so please feel free to contact me!

    Sending you motivation and healing mojo from Colorado!

  2. Oh Martin! No bueno!

    But I will tell you, as a chronic pain patient for many years, please don’t be discouraged! There’s a logical explanation and solution in there somewhere…

    And a little advice, learn the difference between ‘good’ pain and ‘bad’ pain. ‘Good’ pain occurs when you’ve worked a muscle beyond it’s comfort zone… a stretching and pulling type of hurt. ‘Bad’ pain should be the kind that makes you wince continually and want to stop what you’re doing almost immediately. Learn the difference and you’ll be much better off in the long run. And if the ‘bad’ pain sticks around longer than three days, go to the doctor for some medical intervention. I hate to say it, my friend… but I’m an expert in ‘good’ pain v. ‘bad’ pain and know of that which I speak. And getting help for the ‘bad’ pain isn’t a sign of weakness or anything ridiculous like that. It’s SMART! Generally, ‘bad’ pain means there’s an injury of some sort…

    So don’t be frustrated! Between fighting a cold and an injury, it’s no wonder you’re not feeling overly motivated. So go see the doctor and figure out what’s going on; stay away from dairy, cold foods/drinks, and sweet food/drinks (they all worsen cold symptoms); and focus on eating healthy until you can get back on the road with some pain-free running. And maybe swim because that’s not a weight-bearing activity.

    Bottom line, don’t lose heart, Martin… take the necessary precautions and you’ll be back up and running in no time!

    Beth

  3. Das hört sich nicht gut an, aber auf der anderen Seite sehr überlegt!

    Mach Dir bewusst, was Du in den letzten Monaten geschafft hast und wie weit Du es schon gebracht hast: Mann, Du hast einen Triathlon gefinisht und Dein Leben einmal komplett umgekrempelt! Gib Deinem Kopf ein bisschen Zeit zum Hinterherkommen.

    Und dann gib dem Körper nochmal etwas Zeit, das alles zu verpacken. Du bist in den letzten Jahrzehnten nicht immer pfleglich mit ihm umgegangen, und er soll Dich über 226km tragen. Dafür will er an der ein oder anderen Stelle etwas Aufmerksamkeit.

    Ich drück Dir alle Daumen,
    Karina

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